Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
