I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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