i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
