I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
