for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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