so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
