im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
