road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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