Barsexuality is the new black.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
