Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
