On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
