You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
