he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
40s are totally the cure
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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