Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
