Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I fill condoms, not promises.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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