dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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