Just cropdusted the office
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
