I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
