marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
