i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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