For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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