i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
