wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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