420 ftw
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
