We're like a lot better than the average bears
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
