I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
