so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
