how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
