Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
