I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
