I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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