Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
