and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
