his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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