I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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