East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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