I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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