Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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