Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
