I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
