i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
