shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
