There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I just found a bag of teeth...
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
