If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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