my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
