Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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