My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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