yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
