If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
