I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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