Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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