what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
